Tag Team for Jesus Christ
Who I Used To Be
When I think about who I used to be, I see a young woman struggling to make it on my own. I walked around with a heavy weight of sin on my shoulders without forgiveness, full of guilt and shame with no hope of changing in sight. I never knew why I was created, and couldn't understand why any of us are here. It just didn't make any sense. "What a waste of time to just exist, looking around for a reason for it all day after day." That's what I thought. Do you e...ver feel that way. In fact, I thought life was so dumb just trying to stay busy, do anything I could to get happy, and I totally understood the saying that was going around, "Whatever feels good, do it." Even raising children, I had no idea what I was doing. I loved them, played and laughed with them, but didn't have a clue I was supposed to be raising them to know GOD and His love for them. No idea. I had so much baggage on me from past hurts that I hadn't forgiven and been healed emotionally from.
Who I used to be sure isn't who I am now. I often thought back then, "There's got to be more than this... surely." Yes there surely is! I want everyone to know GOD so very badly, and to find out how personal and real He is. He is so kind, funny at times, loveable and easy to love; extremely concerned for our well being, so much He wants us to talk to Him about every thought. Thing I love about that is that He listens without looking off... I mean, He genuinely listens, then when I'm done yackin' He lets me see it from His point of view. Still learning not to be so mean to myself. One day I said to Him, "Lord, You have soooo far to go to get me where I need to be." While sulking, He unexpectedly replied, "But I already went to the Cross, and that's as far as I can go." WHEW! See what I mean? And He's that sweet everyday. His Word says, "To the merciful, He shows Himself merciful." That helps me to be merciful, I don't know about you. Do you know Him personally? He is not harsh like some parents. He is sure firm and can be angry when I need it. WHEW! Good thing too, because I am quite the brat. Let's keep getting to know Him better, and if you don't know Him yet, but just say a few prayers, your missing out on the whole reason you're here... to know Him and His love for you, and to know the particular task He has for you that no one else can do. Jesus said, "Why do you call me "Lord, Lord" (pray and pray), but don't do what I say? I mean, just think, He hung on the Cross for all to see, for all the critical ones to stare, and watch Him die with all our sins on Him. I deserve to be the one who went through all that.
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another Project of Psalma Mama aka Dawn Gwin
aka Dawn Gwin